CUCKOO BIRD: I hate every cell in my body.
YOU: Well hello to you too.
CUCKOO BIRD: If I can’t find someone who can help me on here I’m going to kill myself
YOU: You know, all your cells get replaced
CUCKOO BIRD: Huh?
YOU: All your cells get replaced in seven to ten years
CUCKOO BIRD: That’s real interesting Bill Nye but I can’t handle another seven to ten with this fucking head on my shoulders. Please. Everyone else I’ve been matched with left and I’m so scared. Please don’t leave.
YOU: Never
YOU: I understand. You’re lonely. I’ve been lonely too.
YOU: This is a dangerous place for lonely people.
YOU: Don’t you have parents to talk to about this?
CUCKOO BIRD: My dad’s trying really hard. I wish he wouldn’t. Last weekend he bought me a self-help book. Welcome to the All New You by Somebitch Withwhiteteeth.
YOU: Did you read it?
CUCKOO BIRD: I didn’t open it. I’m not even sure I want to fix myself. I just wish I was just someone else. Anyone else.
YOU: What color are your eyes?
CUCKOO BIRD: Why? I can’t remember.
YOU: Then send me a photo of you.
YOU: I bet you’re cute
CUCKOO BIRD: I’m a boy. And I don’t want to look at my face
YOU: Boys can be cute
YOU:
YOU: See?
CUCKOO BIRD: Where’d you get that?
YOU: What?
CUCKOO BIRD: That’s me. That’s my fucking photo.
CUCKOO BIRD: Where the fuck did you get it?
YOU: Tell me to do something specific and I’ll send a photo of it.
CUCKOO BIRD: I never post pictures. And I definitely don’t wear sunglasses indoors.
CUCKOO BIRD: Fine. Don’t know how you expect to be able to pull this off but touch your forehead with your pinky finger.
YOU:
YOU: How are you doing this? That’s what you were going to ask right? Well, I’m talking now. Turn your video on. You’ll know the words.